The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Done!

If you have been following my newsletters or blogs for a while, you know that last summer I suffered a brain injury after a freak accident caused me to faint and hit my head off the concrete floor. Six weeks after the incident, I wrote about it in The Unlimited Newsletter and at that point in time, was dealing with only a few residual symptoms. I thought the worst had passed. Perhaps I was naive at that time or maybe a little too optimistic, but there was still a lot of healing yet to come for me. I would like to share my continuing healing journey with you now. 

To see me, you would never have any idea I was dealing with a serious injury, diagnosed as a traumatic brain injury. I look the same, and I talk the same for the most part, but inside I am a different person than I was a year ago.

I have a difficult time going to busy places. I have to schedule rest at many points throughout my day. I have a hard time following conversations in a big group of people without feeling my mind is overloaded. I was told by my rehab team at the Fowler Sports Clinic that I seem to have fallen into the 10 per cent of people with concussions they ‘can’t fix.’ So I have been on a waiting list for a while now to get into a more escalated level of brain rehab centre.

I previously was extremely physically strong. I ran, lifted weights, and even competed in triathlons. Now I am told by my doctor that I can’t run, at least for now. As somebody who previously pushed herself to achieve, now I am learning the peace in enjoying the smaller things in life. I have taken up yoga and go for short walks. I focus on quality time with my family as I know I need to spend a lot of time away from them while I am resting in bed.

This all strikes me as ironic. I was someone who took pride in my achievements, especially within my career. Now I have been forced to step back and really look at who I am beneath it all. I have learned I can’t define myself by my career, or my roles within my family or community. Any of this can be taken away at any time. If you have ever been laid off or separated/divorced, you understand this well too. There is something very raw and vulnerable about stepping away from it all. And it can be difficult to be open with yourself to really take a look and see who is underneath it all.

I started to get a glimpse of the ‘real me’ when I decided to take the leap a few years ago from my well-paid executive role to start this company, Potential Unlimited. I made the jump into the great unknown and followed my gut instinct to do something I really felt was part of my life purpose. Anyone who has ever worked with me as a coach or been a part of my training sessions knows I am very passionate about what I do and I pride myself in helping others make great shifts in their lives so they can be better in all areas. So you can imagine how frustrated I felt when I got to the point where my company had started to achieve some of the success I had worked so hard for and then I was forced to pull back.

A blessing to me is that I have been able to continue to coach clients over the phone. This has been an area of saving grace for me. I am able to coach without creating any symptoms for myself and I feel I am even more effective at my job than before the accident as I use my gut instinct more because other areas in my brain are not as active right now. This includes the areas that would previously allow my mind to wander to find ways to ‘fix’ my clients’ situations. And the reality is, my role is just to help lead them to find conclusions that are right for their lives. This work largely involves asking the tough questions that come from the gut instinct.

I have found myself in a bit of a branding dilemma once I figured out that this injury isn’t just a passing phase. I believe I am through the worst of it now, but it is still a part of me. As a business owner, I want to send a message that my doors are open. I am still coaching clients. I have had to turn down some keynote speaking opportunities a few months ago, but I have not turned down any coaching opportunities as long as the fit is there. But on the other hand, here I am, suffering from a traumatic brain injury. Kind of feels like an elephant in the room that I am not talking about. Yet it is so a part of my existence right now. When I coach clients and help them develop and build their executive brand presence, I work with them on knowing their values. I personally value honesty and bravery. So I feel it would be hypocritical of me not to share with you, the people who follow my posts and care about me, my journey.

There is something so freeing and empowering about owning who you are. For the person who is struggling with a failing marriage, an illness of him/herself or someone they care about, maybe an internal struggle related to your career, know that we all struggle. We all fail. We all have weak moments. No matter how perfect people may appear on the outside, we all go through rough times. This is what makes us human. When some of my clients tell me they haven’t failed before, I can relate to them. Before my brain injury, I really hadn’t experienced a major hardship that made me question everything about the world around me. If you haven’t experienced something like this, know that your time will come. It doesn’t mean an injury or a disastrous event will occur, but I believe as part of our personal and professional development, we all face struggles at some point within our lives which help us along the path we are meant to go and make us stronger as part of the process.

I wouldn’t wish this brain injury on anyone, but it has been one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given. It has forced me to slow down. It has taught me even more about self care. I now am in tune with doing the activities and work that makes me feel good. We all participate in work that drains the energy from us. I now stay away from those activities as I pay the consequences in a serious way if I don’t. As I continue to heal, this is something I hope to take along with me. Do what makes you feel good. Be with the people who give you energy. Move your body in a way that you feel happy doing. And open your heart to others, letting the judgement fall to the wayside. Open your soul. Be proud of who you are. Use your skills. Work in a way that brings strength to yourself and others. Accept and even ask for help. Learn to pace yourself each and every day (don’t sprint to the end of life!). Live each day to the fullest. Own you. Let go, we don’t really have as much control as we think we do.Those are just a few of the lessons I have learned.

By sharing my journey with you, I hope to empower others to step away from their darkness, from those parts of you that you’ve been afraid to admit to others in case they think you are weak or a failure. If you are true to yourself then if others think you are a failure, that is their loss. If you try to deny your true self and not accept what is really going on in your life, that is your loss. Take it from someone who knows.